I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.