I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.