Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT