Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me