Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.