will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?