put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
high people should be assigned attendants
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
