Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!

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  (269): So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church! http://tfl.nu/fvvt
  Replies (17) Good night (4534) Bad night (641)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.

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  (505): I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them. http://tfl.nu/0g2b
  Replies (42) Good night (1139) Bad night (2398)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  found the other keg... it's in the tree

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  (905): found the other keg... it's in the tree http://tfl.nu/nyfo
  Replies (15) Good night (8056) Bad night (639)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint

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  (201): The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint http://tfl.nu/xmhe
  Replies (15) Good night (4574) Bad night (923)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass

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  (617): There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass http://tfl.nu/vj6i
  Replies (17) Good night (4049) Bad night (1874)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.

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  (216): This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life. http://tfl.nu/j431
  Replies (54) Good night (7026) Bad night (977)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  did i walk over a car last night?

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  (+61): did i walk over a car last night? http://tfl.nu/hd3i
  Replies (4) Good night (2002) Bad night (644)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  there are ass prints on the hood of my car.

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  (601): there are ass prints on the hood of my car. http://tfl.nu/hwv7
  Replies (10) Good night (3038) Bad night (991)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job

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  (918): Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job http://tfl.nu/tafk
  Replies (7) Good night (2892) Bad night (666)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.

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  (201): Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it. http://tfl.nu/ciee
  Replies (10) Good night (2070) Bad night (654)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.

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  (201): If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses. http://tfl.nu/91v1
  Replies (0) Good night (497) Bad night (228)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year

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  (720): Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year http://tfl.nu/fovp
  Replies (2) Good night (275) Bad night (431)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.

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  (+61): There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/vwm7
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (182)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.

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  (203): Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork. http://tfl.nu/n6pn
  Replies (2) Good night (468) Bad night (222)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?

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  (781): In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex? http://tfl.nu/6zay
  Replies (9) Good night (468) Bad night (871)

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