Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
