She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
