The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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