I just saw a hot homeless man
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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