Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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