I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
