sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They are going to name an STD after you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
