theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
COCAINE IS GR8
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
