Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
