M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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