i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
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I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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