the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
