I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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