I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have aggressive nipples.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
