yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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