If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
