every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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