she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
