just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
