I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
