I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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