Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
