she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
