I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
