In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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