You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
