I want to make a zoo with you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
