it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
