Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
