when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
