You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
