I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
