Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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