D3 body, D1 cock
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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