I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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