before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
