This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
