Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your dad touched me again.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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