Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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