I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
