I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
