she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So much rum. So many feels.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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