Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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