do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You're like the curious george of whores
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
