Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
