you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
