Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
