We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
