So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
