Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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