I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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