I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
