I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
