Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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