Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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