Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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