walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
