This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
