Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There r osticjed everywhere
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
