I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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