About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
