can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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