My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize