The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
