just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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