every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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