I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
