Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
