My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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