I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
